Creationist science fair

Creation Education: Creation Science Fair 2001

2nd Place: “Women Were Designed For Homemaking”

Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking: physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets; biology shows that women were designed to carry un-born babies in their wombs and to feed born babies milk, making them the natural choice for child rearing; social sciences show that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay; and exegetics shows that God created Eve as a companion for Adam, not as a co-worker.

I’m usually pretty sensitive to send-ups. I got a chuckle from the complaints on the “Black People Love Us” site. And yet I have to admit this site leaves me flummoxed.

It doesn’t help that they are actively speaking out against Landover Baptist, a much more obvious parody. Or that they have ads for Pat Robertson’s pancakes or how to “build up Godly young ladies–Now with recipes!” But each of these leads to real links, and I have to assume that with this much content, it is really real. As are articles on the “Application of Game Theory to Christian Apologetics” and “Reasons to choose Jesus over Santa.” And this is too good to pass up; the occult source of common store names in the mall:

* J.C. Penny – The J.C. makes us think of Jesus Christ, thus associating our Lord with the lowest monetary value, the penny (even Judas valued Him at 30 pieces of silver!).

* Sears – What the flesh of the damned does in Hell. It also sounds like “seers”, Pagan mystics who engaged in occult premonitions.

* Cinnabon – Sounds like “Sin Upon”.

* Orange Julius – Named for the Pagan Emperor of Rome. This company’s mascot was once a devil, until they changed it to hide their true intentions.

* Hot Topic – A recent store aimed at children that openly sells devil paraphernalia. Any guess as to why “hot” is in their name?

* Hallmark Gold Crown Stores – Purveyors of Santamas tree ornaments depicting anthropomorphized woodland creatures (reference to Evolutionism) and Harry Potter merchandise. What notable person will have a mark and wear crowns? [Rev. 13:16, 13:1]

I know people of faith–of various faiths. And my Mom and brother and sisters have returned, I believe, to the embrace of the Catholic church. I happen to think Jesus was a pretty neat guy. But this weirdness is enough to push me over to the brights (though their simplistic definition as “naturalists” seems more than a little dim).

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  1. Posted 9/15/2003 at 6:07 pm | Permalink

    Is there any wonder why the percentage of American adults who identify themselves as Christians is dropping by about 1 percentage points per year?

  2. Posted 9/15/2003 at 6:32 pm | Permalink

    I’m pretty sure it’s a joke site, Alex. Did you look at the members list? It’s a total hoot:

    “Jack also enjoys vexillology and can signal Bible passages from memory in fluent semaphore.”

    “Considered one of the foremost in the new school of Baptist demon exorcism specialists, Dr. Franklin has battled Satan up close and personal on many occasions, yet he always manages to come through unscathed thanks to the power of Christ.”

    “Tim has worked tirelessly as our Treasurer, taking time from his tax practice to aid us. As an accountant, he has to deal daily with the soulless secular world and so he takes great pleasure in putting his knowledge of accountancy to use in the righteous cause of Our Lord. If you ever need your taxes filed, come see Tim. He gives a 5% discount for all Christians and 10% discount for non-Christians willing to convert on the spot.”

    “His parents – being Jewish – were hesitant to accept his new found faith, but they do consider it better that Kyle is now following Jesus instead of Marilyn Manson.”

    “She is also the regional head of the League of Women Boycotters, and was personally responsible for the removal of cursing Sesame Street dolls from toy stores nationwide in 1998.”

  3. Posted 9/15/2003 at 6:32 pm | Permalink

    You forgot Lechter’s (kitchen store), as in Hannibal? Ha?
    I was just at the mall – it just gets scarier and scarier.

  4. Posted 9/15/2003 at 10:38 pm | Permalink

    Liz: Some stories are best left to the unfolding ;). Cf. Mr. Goldman’s favorite bible passage: John 8:32.

  5. Posted 9/17/2003 at 4:00 pm | Permalink

    Did I tell you that ‘Gullible’ is my middle name? (blush)

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