2nd Place: “Women Were Designed For Homemaking”
Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking: physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets; biology shows that women were designed to carry un-born babies in their wombs and to feed born babies milk, making them the natural choice for child rearing; social sciences show that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay; and exegetics shows that God created Eve as a companion for Adam, not as a co-worker.
I’m usually pretty sensitive to send-ups. I got a chuckle from the complaints on the “Black People Love Us” site. And yet I have to admit this site leaves me flummoxed.
It doesn’t help that they are actively speaking out against Landover Baptist, a much more obvious parody. Or that they have ads for Pat Robertson’s pancakes or how to “build up Godly young ladies–Now with recipes!” But each of these leads to real links, and I have to assume that with this much content, it is really real. As are articles on the “Application of Game Theory to Christian Apologetics” and “Reasons to choose Jesus over Santa.” And this is too good to pass up; the occult source of common store names in the mall:
* J.C. Penny – The J.C. makes us think of Jesus Christ, thus associating our Lord with the lowest monetary value, the penny (even Judas valued Him at 30 pieces of silver!).
* Sears – What the flesh of the damned does in Hell. It also sounds like “seers”, Pagan mystics who engaged in occult premonitions.
* Cinnabon – Sounds like “Sin Upon”.
* Orange Julius – Named for the Pagan Emperor of Rome. This company’s mascot was once a devil, until they changed it to hide their true intentions.
* Hot Topic – A recent store aimed at children that openly sells devil paraphernalia. Any guess as to why “hot” is in their name?
* Hallmark Gold Crown Stores – Purveyors of Santamas tree ornaments depicting anthropomorphized woodland creatures (reference to Evolutionism) and Harry Potter merchandise. What notable person will have a mark and wear crowns? [Rev. 13:16, 13:1]
I know people of faith–of various faiths. And my Mom and brother and sisters have returned, I believe, to the embrace of the Catholic church. I happen to think Jesus was a pretty neat guy. But this weirdness is enough to push me over to the brights (though their simplistic definition as “naturalists” seems more than a little dim).