So, I should be downstairs at the reception “mingling.” I used to think that I just didn’t like not knowing anyone, a fairly natural reason not to want to be at a social gathering, but now I know a fair number of people in this room, and still I hate being there. It’s a bit ironic, really. I feel like I should be down there, but I honestly don’t want to be there.
At least I went for a few minutes. I had no difficulty chatting with folks on the way there and on the way out, but I felt confined, enclosed, and confused within the room itself. This is something I’m going to need to overcome. I know this. I know that I am missing out on important opportunities because I cannot force myself to socialize. But it’s going to take a very long time before I can learn to enjoy it.
I need a personal trainer. Not to help me get in shape–wait, no, I need one of those too, make that 2 personal trainers–but to walk me through these social occasions. Jamie has been very helpful here, but this isn’t at all her crowd and it’s not fair to ask her to be my interpreter. I need someone who can teach me how to work a room. That wouldn’t stop the fight-or-flight reaction that being in a crowded room triggers, but it would give me a set of objectives to concentrate on and I would hopefully be able to make it through my current record of 15 minutes. Don’t they build simulators that can help you train for this?
And that is my neurotic post of the day.